April 2009


I am The Cyberwolfe and these are my ramblings. All original content is protected under a Creative Commons license - always ask first.
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Commence headshaking now

So I’m heading home from the store and turn off Broadway onto 7th only to discover that some asshat on a bicycle is in the exact center of the lane going slightly faster than a walk. I slow down from 20 mph, but end up getting a little close to him, at which point he glances back as if he’s trying to intimidate me into backing off. Instead of coming to a complete stop in the middle of the road to let him pull away, I coast along about 5 feet behind him as he continues down the center of the lane until he finally gets around some parked cars. As you can imagine, I applied perhaps more acceleration than strictly necessary as I pulled around him, but I gave him plenty of room.

Cue puzzlement as this guy hunkers down to catch up with me, and then turns after me onto my street and into my gorram driveway. When I get out of the car and give him my best “have you really thought about what you’ve just done?” looks, he says “I think you were a little close.”

Me: “Yep. And you were in the exact center of the lane, instead of off to the side like you’re supposed to be. The law clearly states that you do not get the use of the full lane, you must stay off to the side.”

Him: *shrug*, looks away like he’s been busted.

Me: “I see about 20 of you guys a day, and not a single one of you ever rides the way you’re supposed to, and it makes me mad. And now you’re at my house.”

Him: “I didn’t come here to have a confrontational conversation about this.”

Me: “You followed me. To. My. House.”

Him: “So you would like me to leave.”

Me: “Yes, I would prefer it if you left.”

Him: “And you don’t want to have a conversation about this.”

Me: “No, I do not want to have a conversation about this.”

He looks at me, I push the button to close the garage and he rides off.

What. The. Fuck.

If you’re going to chase someone down, don’t try to have a conversation with him, you’re not going to get anywhere. You gotta jump right in there and get confrontational. Get off the bike, rip your helmet off and glare a bit – you sit there on the bike and then look slightly sheepish when I call you on your own errors and you completely lose any position of strength you may have had.

This is why hippies and Save-The-Earthers will never get anywhere – they just don’t know how to start a fight.

3 replies to “Commence headshaking now”

  1. Tolerant Says:

    I just have to ask, was your daughter around to see this? I’m merely wondering if she is learning to deal with “asshats” from you or her mother.

  2. Da Wolfie Says:

    She was there – which is why I didn’t cuss him out or just deck him.

  3. Graumagus Says:

    I have a sign on my van for these assholes.

    It’s on the bottom, just behind the oil pan.