Diary of a Wolfeman

Where you sit there, pile of gifts all around you to wrap, and you really start looking at them, all stacked up in their shiny boxes. You read the little descriptive notes on the back of the packages, imagining how your loved ones will react as they see them for the first time…

And you start to wonder if you got them the right thing at all. Doubt sneaks in on tiny feet and twitters about. “Maybe something else would have been a better idea.”

You read the package again, getting out the magnifier for the really small type. Doubt starts doing a jig across your brainpan.

“Huh. Wouldn’t you know it, this is really not going to work.” Done with his jig, Doubt steps aside for Decision to take the stage. “I really must take this back and try again.” You start to feel better about it. “Yes!” You nod to yourself. “I will take it back for a refund and try again!” Good for you, lad!

That’s when Fear creeps into the room. There’s something important that you’re missing, but you can’t quite get it. Your brow furrows as you begin to trace the decision tree, in search of this new Doubt. “What could this mean?”

Fear sidles up next to you, and lays a frozen claw at the base of your spine. Chills race up your back, and you break out into a cold, clammy sweat as Realization smacks you in the face with a large iron skillet:

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Drive home took forever due to the weather. Rain means the highway will be a parking lot, so we took surface streets. That worked out fine until the approach to Hillsdale, where a number of traffic signals were out. Crrraaaawwwwlllll.

At 21st and Broadway, some poor soul had managed to turn their Jeep-thingy shiny-side-down. Hope they’re ok.

But, there’s a light at the end of the street – mine! Power in the house is on, and what’s this? A package from ECS? YAY! My motherboard is here!!

So, out comes the tool kit, and double-yay! I still have thermal compound for the heatsink! Woohoo!

Wait, what’s that? The lights are flickering? SHIT! I don’t dare plug the thing in on a night like this, there’s no telling when the power may go tits-up, and I’ve never gotten around to buying a UPS.

Well, one more night of laptop won’t kill me.

**Update**
Yeah, right – like that was going to happen.

Unfortunately,it appears that the motherboard wasn’t the problem, despite all the symptoms. Next step is to replace the power supply.

You should all know by now how much contempt I hold in my heart for Microsoft and all the things they have shoved up our collective ass for the past 10 years. I can tell you truthfully, it could be worse:

You could be studying to take a Microsoft Exam.

So here I have been spending a large amount of my time over the past few years learning how to secure a computing environment due to the vast plethora of security holes in MS operating systems. Then my Boss and I get the great idea of me becoming the Company’s Security Advisor, so I start delving even deeper into the mysteries of Hackerdom to better defeat the buggers when they come a-knockin’.

Then comes the discount exam voucher for SBS2003, which would be a useful thing to have. The exam itself shouldn’t be too hard, because it only covers one (albeit amalgamated) product – except for one little caveat:

It’s a MS exam, so therefore ALL of the answers will be geared toward a “MS is the BEST!” mindset. And those bastards have rigged trick questions into the exam.

“Whadya mean ‘trick’ Wolfe?” Well my son, it means that each question’s answer will be tailored to the MS universe, but they will occasionally give a multiple-choice answer that may include an actual best practice from the real world – which is wrong, because MS is the BEST and therefore anything involving a real-world answer is the trick question.

Case in point: how much RAM would you need in a server designed to handle up to 75 users? Real-World answer: minimum of 2GB. MS Answer: SBS 2003 requires a minimum of 256MB RAM, we recommend 384MB.

Can I install SBS 2003 on this little-ol’ Pentium III I found in the closet? Real-World Answer: No, dude, we need to chuck that puppy and get you some decent hardware. Xeon or Opteron at least. MS Answer: why yes, as long as it’s 300MHz, but 550MHz would be better.

How should I secure my network? Real-World Answer: well, we need to install a DPI firewall device on your internet connection. MS Answer: No problem – we’ll just turn your server here, the lifeblood of your company, into a NAT firewall, so it can inspect all traffic and filter out all of the attacks.

Are you out of your freaking mind?!? “No sir, you don’t need a fence, this here rooster that manages all yer hens is plenty tough enough to fend off that there coyote when he comes a-trottin’ into yer henhouse.”

This is going to give me a headache.

Oi.

Up early this morning to take Pookie to the dentist – the poor rugrat inherited my teeth, and they are rotting out of her head bad enough that we have to patch up her baby molars. On top of that, she smacked her face on the monkey bars last week and chipped one of her brand-new front teeth, so we had it capped. As soon as all of her permanent teeth come in, we’re getting those suckers sealed.

Back to the ranch for a quick lunch and to let her mouth regain feeling, and then off to the Fortress of Consumerism for a birthday party at the ice rink. 10 kids for three hours. Whew!

Then back to the ranch again so I could wash dishes and cook dinner, eat said dinner, and goof a bit with the rugrat. Which turned into us watching several episodes of “Mythbusters”, fine family entertainment indeed :)

I should probably get some sleep now..zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I can now say “Merry Christmas!”

No, this is not in response to some local stupidity involving the PC-ness of the phrase, it’s because I have been to the yearly Trans-Siberian Orchestra concert.

They came to Portland last Thursday, and it was just as good as in years previous, despite some notable changes in the line-up. Jill Gioia wasn’t with them this year due to her own projects, and there were a couple other changes.

Most noticeable was Jill’s replacement Steve Broderick – a talented individual, but it was weird hearing Jill’s numbers from a male voice.

Tickling, mashing and all-around wringing of the ivories was accomplished by another new addition – Derek Wieland. (He replaced Jane Mangini’s former sparring partner.) A Juliard-Master’s of Music-holding virtuoso who has performed for heads of State and nobility, playing against a gal who, in Al Pitrelli’s own words, “has played for every drunk in North America.” And I can’t decide which of them is better. I lean toward Jane, because (from what I’ve heard so far) she has a better grip on Jazz and the Blues. Sometimes a higher education doesn’t teach you everything. It’s a close race.

The Best Parts:
-A story that makes me cry every year, and I don’t feel embarrassed because 9000 other people are crying too.
-A light show that gets bigger and better every year. The entire light rig moves and re-configures itself through different parts of the show, and Al takes a childlike glee in showing it off :) He gives a shout out to the 65-man crew that runs the thing, and then says “You want to see what happens when those 65 guys set off all this stuff at once? Watch this!” With a cackle, and then they launch into the finale.
–The Carmina Burana live, with fire-laden stage show. Arguably one of the most powerful pieces of music ever written.

The Bummer Parts:
-No Jill :(
-They introduced Kristin Gorman as their “Queen of the Winter Night” but didn’t let her sing the song. The live version is ten times better than any recorded release, because then you get to see her stalking about the stage and throwing that pitch-perfect voice around like a guitar.
-They still haven’t released a recording of the Carmina!!

Small bummers aside, this is still one of the only concerts I am willing to spend money on. I don’t dig on huge crowds, it hurts my knees to sit in cramped arena seats for almost three hours, and I’m half-deaf for a day afterward. But DAMN these people rock!!

If you have never seen this production, you must get tickets next year.

Man, yesterday just ended up sucking for me.

Ranting to follow.
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So, we’re about halfway through the weekly meeting at the office this morning when I realize that I’m sweating. Not a normal occurrence in our place, which tends to run about 4 degrees colder than I like. So I lean over to the Roomie and ask him “is it hot in here, or is it just me?” “I’m the wrong guy to ask,” he says – because he is almost shivering.

Turns out the both of us were feverish to some extent. Being the prudent folks we are, we bailed for home.

While home and being basically useless, I happened to be randomly websurfing and came across something I wrote a couple years ago on someone else’s blog – and it reminded me that I used to actually write interesting stuff.

Amazement.

I should probably do that again.

A similar point was made in an outta-da-blue email I got from an old girlfriend who tripped across this here blog a few months ago. She remembered that she used to like me. Unfortunately, I then ruined everything by apologizing for being the idiot I was and I haven’t heard from her since. I have a fairly poor track record for renewing old friendships it appears.

Or maybe it is only old friendships with old girlfriends – I managed to track down one of the ones that got away once, and she stopped writing after a couple volleys too. There was a small bit of unrequited love there though, and she being married and all now may have had something to do with the sudden disappearance.

Who knows. Maybe it all just boils down to the old adage: You Can’t Go Home Again. Both the women mentioned are married with kids and lives now, and a quick trip down memory lane is often spoilt once you remember how much things have changed. My recent trip to the hometown is ample proof of that. Yes, things have changed there, but what is there now still sucks more than the pleasant memories can make up for. I hated it while I was there, and it hasn’t changed that much.

Of course, I didn’t realize how much I hated it until I was gone. It took a very short time in another city for me to become completely intolerant of the people in that sad little burg. Even Ashland was better, despite being a little smaller. Honestly, had there been any sort of job market there, Ashland would probably be home to me now.

Even the Ratboy, who used to think moving to NYC would be a good thing to do after high school has said to me that “Portland just feels like home to me now. Every time I leave, I can’t wait to get back.”

Much like this entry, sometimes you it’s bad to think about how you got here. (Because then you lose the whole thread of your thoughts.)

Yeah. Stop mashing keys now.

Something I should probably do more of.

Thanksgiving trip, in small doses:

Took waaay too long to get out of town – 1 hour to drive 15 miles. Rain slowed me down more, so it took me from 6:30pm to 1:00am to get to Grants Pass. That’s 6 1/2 hours for a 4-hour trip. (Okay, there was a meal stop and a gas stop, but still.)

It was good to see the family – wish I could have done more of it. My mom’s house reeks of smoke (even to a longtime smoker like myself – enough to be sickening) so I spent as little time there as I could. My brother and his wife opted to spend all of Friday night at the local bar, which would have meant me leaving Pookie in the care of a couple teenage boys had I opted to join them and all of their friends, with whom I have nothing in common. (Quite honestly, most of them are the kind of people I left GP to get away from.) Oh joy.

So, I spent all of Friday night watching TV and playing games on the laptop. If Pookie wasn’t having so much fun playing with her youngest cousin, I would have packed and left.

The drive Saturday was much better – mostly clear weather and traffic was fairly light until Salem. Unfortunately, after Salem everyone forgot the whole idea of “the left lane is for passing” and piled up there. I was able to zig my way through two whole packs of cars by dodging in-and-out of the slow lane. Fucking tards.

So, I spent about $100 in gas and food and 11 hours driving with attendant aggravation to spend about (in total) 12 hours with my family.

No wonder it’s been three years since I went back.

So I’m driving home from a date tonight, listening to Loveline, and “Lorelei” comes on asking if male ejaculate would help clear up her acne. “…well, I know it’s good for you if you swallow it, and I was wondering if it might help clear up my skin…”

Where do people come up with this shit?

“Oh, no, really, babe, you gotta swallow – there’s protein and vital nutrients in there. And you know, if I spew it onto your face and you rub it in, it’ll clear up those zits…”

Maybe the Japanese have been right about it all along.

I bukkake for clear skin!

(PSA)

For those of you who are my fellow Oregonians, if you haven’t turned in your ballot yet, then remember that libraries are your friend. All libraries will accept ballots and turn them in to the Elections Board for tabulation.

(/PSA)