Diary of a Wolfeman

You think that once you’re out of public school you are done with field trips, right? Not if you’re in IT. Here’s what fun we had today:

Blaze downtown after a quick lunch so we can get a parking space for the Microsoft Vista / Office 2007 Launch Event at the Hilton, only to discover we should have brought sandwiches to eat in the car and driven home to ride the MAX because there is NO fucking parking in downtown. Okay, we did find a spot, but it took 30 minutes of driving through THREE different garages to get it.

Hoof it back to the Hilton and trek over to the Ballroom to sign in. Grab goodie bag and hit the refreshments table for a couple cookies. The Roomie grabbed a soda, and I should have followed suit, because for the rest of the day there was nothing but diet. Not just three or four diets left after the rest of the soda was gone, but rather 3/4 of a bin full of diet soda – like all they brought was 2 regular colas, 2 lemon-limes and the rest diet. I realize we are all chubby geeks here, but c’mon. Don’t try to feed me that unleaded shit. We are the niche market that popularized stuff like Jolt and Bawls fer chrissakes.

Sit through the next 4 hours of Microsoftian propaganda. Spend the entire time making quiet comments with my fellow Linux geek and our Mac-happy sales guy. “Nice GUI – haven’t I seen that on your PowerBook?” Or: MS GUY:’Office 2007 comes with hundreds of amazing features’ – ME: …that no-one will ever use.”

I will give them one point: Microsoft has made a complete about-face on their “minimize the perceived hardware impact” strategy. What’s that you ask? Their policy of trying to squeeze you into buying an update before you realized just what it was going to cost you in hardware upgrades. Things like the published Minimum Hardware Requirements for Small Business Server 2003 are: PIII proc @ 350MHz with 128MB of RAM. (Note that ‘MB’: This was in 2003, when your average server board could handle at least 4GB of RAM.) Yeah, it will boot on that – in 20 minutes or so. And the first time you have three simultaneous logins, the thing is going tits-up. A completely factual, but completely useless piece of information, with real-world figures being a minimum of a P4 proc at 1GHz with 1GB RAM.

This time around, they are being amazingly honest. To score a “Vista Premium Capable” tag, the PC must have a minimum 1GHz 32- or 64-bit processor and 1GB RAM, Direct-X 9 video card with 128MB video RAM. To get just “Vista Capable”, the scores drop to an 800MHz ‘modern processor’ (Translated: P4 or equivalent) and 512MB RAM.

Sonofabitch. An honest, real-world answer from Redmond. Get the helmets kids, the sky is a-comin’ down. (For the non-Geeks out there, that means they admit you will probably have to upgrade the hardware in your current PC, or really just buy a new one.)

So, you’re probably wondering what was in the goodie bag, right? Let’s see…propaganda, propaganda, and what’s this? A download key for a free full-feature-not-trialware copy of Office 2007? Holy shit! They’re holding about 20 of these events, which will be attended by 1,000’s of guys like me! This is going to cost them…

…not a damn thing. This was a Partner event, which means we are all already signed up for the Action Pack, which gives us free copies already.

So, 4 hours of mind-numbing presentation that would have taken me 1 hour to read, a lousy snack table, and you’re giving me stuff I was already going to get. Gee, thaaaaanks. I could have billed this time.

It appears that my luck was in.

For those of you that did not know her, I present to you The Little Black Beastie that has been my near-constant companion for the past 6+ years:

While she has been a good car, it is time to retire The Beastie and move on to something a little more current. I introduce to you my new 2004 Kia Optima LX:

She comes complete with power windows & locks, disc brakes at all wheels, CD player, cruise control, A/C, a 2.4 liter 4-cylinder motor and 5-speed manual transmission. Oh, and most important of all:

CUPHOLDERS!! Yay!!!

And get this: apparently there have been far too many movies and TV shows where people get locked in the trunk. They now have glow-in-the-dark handles on the inside of the trunk lid to open it from inside. I guess the mobsters will have to keep up the maintenance on their old cars now.

I know I had originally specified an automatic trans, but they didn’t have one on a nice car in my price range. And this is by far the nicest car I have ever owned. Only two years old and only 22,000 miles from the previous owner (who traded up).

The folks down at Bob Lanphere’s Beaverton Kia made this a very simple and low-stress event. They listened to me when I told them my requirements over the phone, had an appropriate list of vehicles for me to choose from, and didn’t waste my time with bullshit. You need a car, go down there and ask for Adam.

So what did it cost me? less than I would have thought. Actual price of the car was $10,995 and I added the G.A.P. policy to bring that up a bit. The GAP policy is a kind of insurance that protects me while the car is worth less than what I owe on it. Interest rates being what they are, the first half of a loan’s life is usually more than the MSRP of the car – which means you could end up having to keep making payments if the car gets totaled. It works out to $5 a month, so I thought it would be worth it.

Okay, so that’s what the price was. With interest, the car will cost me close to $17,000 if I just make the payments as listed for the next 72 months. This works out to 18% or so. Yes, it’s high – my credit sucks. There is no penalty, however, for paying it off early or refinancing, and extra payments go straight toward the capital amount. So, come tax time I can drop a heavy payment of $1,000 or so on it and cut the interest off the back half of the loan. Do this every year and I can save myself some serious dough.

The car is as yet un-named, though several ideas have been bantered back-and-forth with Tolerant. We both thought of “Jeeves”, mainly due to this being such a nice car and it kind-of reminds me of a Jaguar. Cars and ships should have feminine names, however, so this won’t do. Tolerant’s idea of “Kitty” just didn’t seem right, and when she said “Pussygalore” I just about fell over.

She did have one idea that is growing on me: “Holly”, or more completely “the H.S. Holly”, with ‘H.S.’ standing for Highway Ship – which is kinda fitting, considering this is the second-largest car I have ever owned. (It’s hard to tell from the photos, but the new car is longer and wider than the Beastie – though not anywhere near as big as the old Plymouth was.)

Anyway, I’m starting to think that “the H.S. Golightly”, (known as “Holly” to her friends) isn’t such a bad idea. It’s early days yet though, and the car hasn’t had a chance to assert a personality.

…but who knows how much longer she has?

The other day I happened to look down at the odometer on the Beastie and realized she had just turned over 150,000 miles. She only had 54,000 when I bought her, so that means I have put 96,000 miles on the clock in 6 years and 3 months. That’s an average of 2,000 a month! I drive way too much. Especially in a 20-year-old car.

So, a call was made, and I have an appointment to see a dealer tomorrow afternoon. I will probably end up buying either a new Kia Rio, or maybe something a little better in a certified-used model. I was planning on waiting until my tax returns come back so I can have a down payment, but the guy at the dealership says he can still get me a decent payment with no down – I can always make a heavy payment later.

Why a Kia? Simple – they’re cheap. With my credit, I will probably get hosed on the interest rate, so I need to keep the capital down.

Why new? It’s actually easier to get financing on a new car than on something like the Beastie was when I got her. Lease-return cars are much the same. With most leases having a 12,000-mile-cap, you’re still getting quite a bit of use, and someone else has already eaten the depreciation. That will be important at trade-up time.

Yes, trade-up, not -in. The new Beastie’s replacement will only be about two years down the road. This means I will be making car payments for about the next 7 years, but it is a good way to build your credit rating – something I obviously need.

So, wish me luck, kids. I’m off to sign my life away.

For those who don’t know about this, you should read The Devil’s Panties, a really funny webcomic by Jennie Breeden. Once you get done laughing your ass off at the archives, check out her gaming comic too for a light-hearted look at LARPing (and not the kind you do with your tongue.)

If you scroll down a little bit farther, you will see this link: Vampire Comic Strip!

Now, some caution should be exercised here, because the hosting website is by far one of the most worthless bits of pretentious drivel I have ever seen (that I didn’t write myself). Worst part is, I know people in the vampire scene, and they will think it is the best thing ever (shudder). Regardless, if you want to exercise your love of all things Jennie, tunnel-vision down and just read the comic.

And if your cube-mates are rolling on the floor wheezing “hairball!!!”, now you know why.

Since my paycheck actually went through on a Saturday (the mind boggles at bank rules – for once, one went in my favor) I was able to run down to GeekMecca (AKA Fry’s) and grab a replacement power supply for Hyperion and resurrect the poor thing from the dead.

Has it really been two months?

Now I have the one tool I was waiting for to get some of the crap out of my at-home in-box. I need to burn some DVD’s, and I need to re-do my taxes from last year as it appears I have made an error. Ouch.

Taxes this year are going to be complicated and suckier than normal. For one, I will be getting three W-2 forms, even though I only worked two jobs. (When I started my last job, the Bossman was outsourcing the HR, which means my actual employer was someone else. Then he fired the outsource and brought it in-house, so one job = two employers of record. Oi.)

For two, the Ratboy worked, so the two of us will have to plot out who is claiming him, and three, I gotta ask the EMC who gets to claim Pookie this year.

Bleah. I have the creeping suspicion that I will be paying a pro this year, just to make sure I don’t fuck it up again.

Some of you may have noticed that I wasn’t here yesterday. Yes, it seems that there was a problem at the hosting site, something along the lines of “a server blew up”. It took them a few hours to get things up and running again. I of course noticed this just when I wanted to post something.

Sure, I could get pissy about this. While my normal response to such an occasion would be “those bastards!”, this marks the first and only problem I have had with my host in the four+ years I have been using them, and I’m on the hobby-site plan at only $10 a month. (Okay, they call it a ‘business plan’, but it’s the ‘lite’ version, trust me.)

Pretty good track record, if you ask me.

So, here’s to the fine folks at 1and1.com who so kindly rent me server space.

Overworked and Underf*cked has a great little post from the female perspective of what guys should keep in mind on those occasions they are lucky enough to get taken home by a lady for a loving, caring, 6-hour relationship. Most of these obviously go both ways, but there are, however, some things that us guys would like the lady to think about:

You’re going to have to give us directions. I’m a pretty experienced guy, but women are amazingly unique creatures with wildly differing tastes and triggers. If “ME FIRST!” is the rule, you gotta take the lead and direct the show.

If you don’t know exactly what it takes to make you see God, don’t be mad when he doesn’t either.

Know your cycle. If you’re within 2 days of starting, wait ’til you’re done before you go a-huntin’.

If you have latex allergies, provide your own choice of condoms and quietly point them out at the start of the festivities – by, say, casually opening the bedside drawer as you make for the bed.

If you haven’t done a “pat test” or checked his references, do not freak out / laugh at what you find / don’t find in his trousers. You should have checked.

Don’t falsely advertise! Okay, this is more of an everyday thing, but wouldn’t you feel short-changed if you found a cucumber in his trousers? We feel that way when those melons turn out to be a WunderBra propping up a pair of cherries. If you feel they are too small, go the opposite route and wear a thin top with no bra instead – some guys like ’em tiny, might as well advertise to the right crowd.

Just my tuppence.

As in, The Traditional After-Action / “What I got for Christmas” post.

Yes, there was loot to be had at Chez Wolfe this year, and the best kind it was.

Hand-made art from my daughter, complete with fingerprints, and the sight of her forsaking all of her other loot to play with the things I gave her. Not to mention a pair of movie tix so I can take Tolerant out to the show. (Anything playing Friday?)

Xmas morning with Ratboy – after I nearly beat him to get it ;) (It may not sound like much, but he assures me he gave up something near and dear to him to be there. You don’t need to know.)

Gamage from the Roomie and his lady in the form of our own personal cardboard-crack: “Super Munchkin” from Steve Jackson Games.

Phone calls from those far away – but me little brudder still owes me a call. He is understandably distracted at the moment though.

Saving the best for last (because she is the best): the “Ultimate Edition” DVD of Stargate because I am such a fanboy, clothing so I look my best (new work-type shirts), clothing to speak my mind with (a snarky T), a blanket to keep me warm (mmmm…chenille), and a most excellent new electric razor so she doesn’t have to nibble on a stubbly neck. (It’s only half as loud as its predecessor, so Ratty likes it too.)

I got love from my peeps, that’s what I got :)

So some of you may know about the IMMENSE amounts of junk email clogging the net lately. What you might not know is that those same assholes try to post crap in the comments systems of blogs like Yours Truly.

Normally, this isn’t too much of an issue for me, because A) this is not a hugely popular blog. B) I have some help in the form of my SpamKarma2 and Bad Behavior installations.

And boy, am I glad. SpamKarma2 reports that it has blocked 1889 spam comments in the last 72 hours.

Oi.

Convinced my bank to reverse an overdraft charge due to merchant error.

Spent a quiet afternoon with my daughter and my sweetie.

Had favorite friends over for a yummy ham dinner and movie and pie.

Read Shel Silverstein to my daughter before bed.

A cold glass of Nog while I blog.

These are a few of my favorite things.