Diary of a Wolfeman

Uh, yeah. Sorry ’bout ‘dat, I really should ramble more.

Entertainment of the Week: 5 (count ’em, 1-2-3-4-5) 45-mile round trips to a rural client. One trip was used to install RAM in 4 machines and replace a power brick on a laptop.

That one was funny all on it’s own. Box was delivered to user and open on her desk when I got there. What was the laptop pluged in to? You guessed it, the bad power brick. Fucking nitwit.

So, what were the other 4 trips for? Rebuilding a single computer.

That’s right, something like 15 hours of labor for ONE FUCKING MACHINE because the owner of the company is such a FARKING PERFECTIONIST that he is truly incapable of using a computer unless it works EX-FUCKING-ACTLY like the previous model.

Okay, some of that labor was spent in an Edisonian pursuit: I found a method to do something that doesn’t work the way I wanted it to. Restoring an Acronis image to another machine can be useful, but when the original machine has a few problems related to Windows, you’re better off building it from scratch. This solution is best used in “Oh fuck! The server is tits-up!!” situations, not mere workstation migrations.

But I swear to you, if I hear that ancient little frog mutter “this is unacceptable” one more time, I’m a-gonna break his legs.

The bitch of it is, the guy retired from an engineering job. I KNOW he has a decent brain in his skull, and at one point in time he was exceedingly capable of figuring shit out. (There is a circuitboard mounted in his living room with about a half-mile of solder trace on it, and he commented once that that board had kept him busy for a while.)

So why in HELL’S half-acre can he not deal with change on a computer?

I think the worst part of this is the fact that the Bossman has been enabling this client for years and not putting the smack down on him earlier. Most of these headaches would be greatly lessened if Bossman had simply said “it will take you ten minutes to learn how to do this differently, and it will take me three hours to break this new machine the same way the old one was. Which is more efficient?”

Of course, Bossman is also the guy who wrote our 398-line login “script” at the office…

So The WBGF has been living on dial-up for ages (she gets her high-speed fix at work) but I’m an addict, and I sometimes get pinged for on-call work on the weekends while I’m at her place and essentially disconnected. I finally conned her into getting DSL, and tonight went over to set up the new modem.

Run the setup program on her PC, and it crashes the install. Gotta love stupid software. Hook everything up, install the filters, but the modem won’t train. Get out my wiring kit, trace the line back to the box, rewire to another pair and clean 30 years of corrosion off the jacks – still won’t train. Bite the bullet and call TS. Get nice, enthusiastic native-born-English-speaking lass on the phones who can’t have been employed long, as the disdain and lack of faith in her fellow man had not set in yet. Anyway, they try some things with Tier II, but still no love from the modem. Schedule a truck roll for Saturday. Ten minutes later, I realized that I had forgot to remove the line cord from the frelling dial-up modem.

D’oh!!

Okay, re-arrange the wires, and the modem links up no problem. Back to the install software, which just never quite gets it. Being prepared, I whip out my trusty laptop and run the setup program from there – lo and Behold! We have Internet! (Yay!). Now to set up the wireless router. Look at the install poster, follow the instructions, and the software can’t figure a damn thing out.

Why am I not surprised?

Ditch the install disk, fire up the router, pull an IP address and Firefox to the admin page. Type the default password from memory, and bingo. Ten minutes later, new admin password, new SSID and one happily convoluted WPA key is programmed in and I have wireless.

And Tolerant’s first question (smart girl that she is) was “so, where’s the power switch on this thing so I can disconnect you when you get sucked in?”

Posted by mobile phone:
So I finally joined the ranks of the truly geeky. You used to be able to spot us by the pocket protector or the physics book in our hand, but nowdays it’s all about the cellphone you carry – and I am now the proud owner of a T-Mobile Wing.

My pocket protector is truly big now, as I am writing this from my phone. This was made possible by the WordPress Mobile Plugin from Andy Moore, which not only makes your blog readable on a tiny phone screen, it makes it possible to blog from anywhere.

I told you I was geeky.

Okay, while that was fun and all, I type even slower by thumbnail than I do on a regular keyboard, so I’m going to finish this post from the laptop. Sure, it’s a cool feature to have for when I get really bored out in the world, but really. Back to talking about the phone.

For those of you who just gotta know, specs can be had here.

I have to say, I’m pretty happy with it so far, which is good considering how many clams I had to shuck out to buy it. I love T-Mobile’s plan pricing, but their phone selection could really use some help. There are one or two phones out there I may have liked better, but I wasn’t about to try and sever my contract and go through all of that hassle just to get a slightly shinier toy.

The Wing has a slide-out QWERTY keyboard, so they can fit a nice big screen on the front, which was the main selling point for the device. The only other models on the T-Mo lineup with that feature are the SideKicks, which really feel flimsy to me due to the way the screen rotates out of the way. the last thing I want to do is slide that screen off every couple of months.

The phone runs Windows Mobile (PocketPC) 6, which means the Exchange server at work can talk to it directly to push out my work emails. In practice, I get an echo when I’m working at my desk since both the phone and the laptop have the same email notifier, and the phone gets the email about a second behind the laptop. (I will probably turn off that notifier on the phone.)

Another cool feature is the fact that for the first time, I can actually get my computer to talk directly to my phone for transferring files and such, instead of only being able to download ringtones from my provider’s website – no more of this $2.50 for a 20-second crappy segment of a song! So now, if you’re ever out and about and you hear machine-gun fire super-imposed on tinny Muzak, you know I’m close by and just got a call :) (24 Hours Open, from the Cowboy Bebop: Knockin’ On Heaven’s Door Soundtrack.)

Other things I like about it: easy customization (just about everything is configurable since it is running a Windows variant) and easy software installation. Just copy over the .cab file and click it in most cases. Multiple email accounts, with the above-mentioned Exchange integration. Built-in WiFi access that has worked every time I try it (Yay!), and a 1.3 megapixel camera that beats the hell out of the one on the last phone.

While the Wing has alot of cool features, no device is ever perfect. The big bummer for me right out of the gate is that it only comes in that damn blue color, so I can’t stick to my black-or-silver forever motif. I make up for that by keeping it in a black leather holster on my belt.

The biggest headache, however, is the fact that the phone is already short on resources. It comes with only 128MB of internal RAM, and about 1/3 of that is being sucked up by the OS. The OS then assigns the rest of that memory to storage and running applications at about 50/50. Sure, you can get an expansion card for it (I got a 2GB card) for file storage, but there are a number of folders that can’t be re-directed to the card without doing a registry hack. That scares me a bit, so I won’t be messing with that.

What this all means is that after poking around on it for a couple hours, I had to reboot the phone to get the camera to work due to lack of program memory available. It also means that if you want to install any additional software on the phone, you will need to install it to the storage card instead of system memory so it can actually run. Annoying to be sure, and something I will probably just have to get used to.

the last bummer, and one that kind of surprised me, is that it only comes with two games, and one of them is Solitaire. That will have to change! Other than that though, I am happy with the phone and would recommend it to anyone else on T-Mo looking for an upgrade. You might want to hit a couple auction sites though, to see if you can get it cheaper than retail.

Tolerant and I decided to get some culture into our mundane lives, so we went out last Friday to see the Portland Center Stage’s rendition of Cabaret, starring Storm Large as Sally Bowles and Wade McCollum as the EMcee.

Cabaret is set in Berlin during the rise of the Third Reich, a time when Berlin had become home to the strange and eccentric. Life outright sucked in the late 20’s for your average Berliner, and entertainment had to be suitably exotic to take your mind off your woes. As the program they handed us mentions, “if we actually put on stage tonight what was happening in those clubs in Berlin – we’d be shut down.” Thus we enter the Kit Kat Klub, one of the more notorious nightspots Berlin had to offer.

Clifford Bradshaw is a young American writer who has been traipsing around Europe and England living the Bohemian lifestyle and trying to find himself as much as anything. On his way to Berlin, he meets Ernst, an German businessman who introduces him to his favorite nightspot, the Kit Kat Klub. There Clifford meets Sally Bowles, a singer from England living life as much as she can in the Dionysian extravaganza that is Berlin. The two get wound up in the middle of this craziness just before things truly start to fall apart.

Based on the play by John Van Druten (itself based on the stories of Christopher Isherwood) Cabaret is probably familiar to many of you, and from what I can gather, this performance holds much in common with the original Broadway production starring Liza Minelli – but not so much in common with the movie of the same name. With a good script, all you need is a group of performers that don’t suck to pull it off. In this case, they had a great script – the author set out with the purpose of knocking your worldview just slightly out of whack, and he keeps it there throughout.

For this production, this excellent script had the benefit of a very talented cast of performers to staff the Klub, and the whole thing went off extremely well. All of the Players in the troupe gave the show their best, and they work very well together. Cabaret is a whole string of ups-and-downs, and the cast are very adept at riding that roller-coaster. I would be very hard-pressed to pick out a favorite, despite my being a big fan of Storm Large’s singing.

To top it off, the Gerding Theater at the Armory is an excellent place to put forth this production. The theater lends itself very well to a period play such as this, as there is a preponderance of exposed brickwork for the crew to work around, really giving you the feel of being in a run-down portion of the city. While the acoustics of the auditorium are very good on their own, the cast had the benefit of portable microphones the size of a Q-Tip, so their speaking voices didn’t have to have the usual “I’m yelling so the folks in the cheap seats can hear me but really I’m whispering” effect and they didn’t have much in the way of visible technology ruining the ambiance. Wade put this tool to excellent use throughout the play.

The only thing that I think would have improved it would have been to run the show as dinner theater, so you would really get the feeling of being in the Kit Kat Klub. That would limit seating down to about 50 persons though, so I can understand why they wouldn’t want to go that route.

While tickets might be a bit spendy for your budget, I would still recommend seeing this show. I give it 4 out of 5 Paws.

Con Zymaris posts a pretty well-reasoned treatise on why we need to take regulatory action and force manufacturers to stop bundling Windows with new computers.

For the most part, I heartily agree with him. Where I disagree, is his closing statement:

Question: How is it possible to provide for both consumers who demand Windows and also ensure a fair and open marketplace for competing platforms?

Answer:That’s the $64 billion question, isn’t it? Here’s how it can be done.

All hardware manufacturers should ship personal computers with no pre-installed operating system. They should include within the packaging of the computer a media copy of the then current Microsoft Windows recovery CD. They should also include a copy of one of the main Linux distributions which are freely-redistributable at no charge.

Upon unpacking the computer, the consumer must then make a choice of either:

1. loading Windows from the Windows recovery media, then using the brochure included with the recovery media to contact Microsoft and through some form of financial transaction, acquire a licence to use Windows, or

2. load the Linux operating system from the CD/DVD included, and use it as their computer operating system.

(Legal bits:Permission is granted to make and distribute verbatim copies of this document, provided this permission notice is preserved on all copies.)

I have two major problems with this statement:

1) The average computer user is not skilled enough to install an operating system. You’d like to think that they are, but having worked in both retail and corporate computer support, I can tell you truthfully that John and Jane Doe are clueless about the procedure, and more importantly don’t want to learn.

They can barely get through unpacking it and plugging all of the color-coded connectors in the right place. Once they’ve gotten that far they just want to be able to turn the thing on and have it work. Shit, have you ever looked at the installation manual for a Dell computer? It’s a glossy color poster with pictograms on it because that’s all the average user can manage.

2) Mr. Zymaris keeps referring to a Windows “restore CD”. A restore cd is typically a digital image of a hard drive that has had Windows installed on it and configured for a fresh user, then packaged into a nicely useful two- or three-click install procedure. And those three clicks are usually “Are you sure?” A Linux install CD, however, is packed with options and choices that John and Jane Doe won’t know the answers to.

If you really want to level the playing field, give them a restore CD for Windows and another one in a popular Linux flavor that has had equal care given to the configuration. Better yet, do what Dell has (grudgingly) done and offer either OS pre-installed. There is no reason the user should be forced to do the final install. Have you ever seen a car dealer that would sell you an upgraded stereo option – and then make you install it yourself?

On top of that, the manufacturer should provide the same level of support for both OSes. J&J D might be willing to give Linux a try if they knew they could call someone for help – and it needs to be real help too, not the typical “oh, you have installed unsupported software on your system so now I can’t help you” bullshit.

So what I would like to see is three options for configuring a computer on the manufacturer’s website: No OS, Windows, or Linux. That way you have the choice of rolling your own, taking the safe road, or taking the scenic route and seeing something new.

We will likely never see this happen though. At the retailer level such as Best Buy or CompUSA, it means they have to devote more shelf space to each individual product to showcase both factory-supported options, which will cause some griping and foot-dragging. At the manufacturer level, the same grumping will happen due to the increased training and staffing required to fully support a second option. Combine these two, and you have a lot of lobbying dollars going toward backing up Microsoft and maintaining the status quo.

If the un-bundling were to happen, you would not see a reduction in price for probably a couple of years as the manufacturers and retailers paid for the extra training and shelf space.

Just my two cents.

This shit has gone too far. In the UK, the Performing Rights Society (which collects royalties for songwriters and performers) is suing a chain of auto shops for allowing their employees to play their radios loud enough that everyone around them can hear. They say this amounts to “public performance”, and is therefore a violation of copyright. The PRS is seeking £200,000 in damages.

O_o

Okay, now if we combine that with the RIAA’s claim that “making downloads available” (I.E., having music in a shared folder accessible by a P2P client) is just as bad as actively uploading / downloading music, then there is only one possible next step: the music labels will be banding together to sue anyone who owns a radio capable of outputting a signal to anything larger than a pair of earbud headphones.

Because, obviously, having speakers larger than earbud ‘phones means they could conceivably be turned up load enough for the neighbors or passers-by to hear, which is the equivalent of “making available”, so those people have “made available” their music for public performance. The same would go double for car-stereo owners equipped with amplifiers powerful enough to make the music heard beyond the confines of the car.

I hereby urge all musicians to use whatever means necessary to extricate yourself from any recording contracts you may have and use the technology available in the marketplace today to self-publish, because obviously the major labels are bent on completely alienating your entire fanbase. In years past, having a contract with a label was the only way to be heard; in this day and age, there’s no reason you couldn’t self-publish or deal directly with iTunes and other distribution points.

Ye. Fucking. Gods.

Shit just seems to piss me off a little more easily nowdays, but I think I have my reasons.

I admit it: I am a dirty smoker. I understand, however, that most folks around me are not smokers, and adjust my habits accordingly. I only smoke outside the house and the office, and I go someplace where it won’t bother others. Yet I get the stink-eye from people who drive gas-guzzling SUV’s bitching about the secondhand smoke I am making sure they are upwind of – and their completely unnecessary Urban Assault Vehicle produces twice the carcinogens as I do and drinks petrol at twice the rate my car does. Fuck off.

I understand that Portland is supposed to be a pedestrian- and bicycle-friendly town, but since when does that mean that jaywalkers get to glare and cuss at me for (heaven forbid!) actually wanting to go on a green light? Listen, fuckwad – if I still had my ugly old Plymouth, you would be a wet smear beneath my tires by now. Get the fuck out of my road.

The bicyclists are getting to be the worst though – I can’t tell you how many times I have seen some asshat peddle through a red light and nearly get creamed – then have the gall to yell at the driver who just saved his life by not hitting him. Excuse me? Where is it written that only cars have to follow the rules of the road? As far as I am concerned, that cyclist should be on his fucking knees apologizing to the driver for nearly inflicting an accidental death on the motorist’s conscience.

Bah!

… it sucks.

“It” being introspection itself. I have spent a lot of time over the past few days delving into my own psyche trying to figure myself and my feelings out. I have completely, thoroughly, top-to-bottom over-analyzed myself into fits. I have glimpsed the heights of my fancy, and I have stared into the blackest abyss of my soul. The Abyss stared back. I think I’m good with it.

That may scare some people.

The scary part is that women do this sort of thing all the time. It’s somehow wired into them from birth that they must obsessively analyze their feelings and motivations constantly. Inspecting every sentence, gesture and action of those around them, seeing not only the good intentions, but also the possibility of the veiled threat beneath.

It’s a wonder more women aren’t truly psychotic.

Yes, we men may call some women psycho, but the truth of the matter is that they can somehow deal with it – otherwise there would be far more female serial killers in the world than there are.

Me, I got lucky – my gal is an optimist.

The Answer to Life, The Universe and Everything is 42.

Tolerant is my 42nd girlfriend.

Coincidence? I think not.

Now that you have read through the first course, it is time to move on to the next:

Wolfe’s Guide To Computers 102 – What to do when things go Wrong

“The computer allows you to make mistakes faster than any other invention, with the possible exception of handguns and tequila.”
– Mitch Ratcliffe

Things will eventually go wrong with your computer; the steps below will be helpful in determining exactly what it was, and should be followed in this order.

1) Reboot the computer.

Microsoft Windows Operating Systems have a number of faults in them that will on occasion cause your computer to freeze up, spaz out or generally quit working. If this happens, you will normally just need to reboot your computer to solve the problem.

Click on Start, then click on “Shut Down” and choose “Reboot” at the pop-up window. If this option never becomes available (wait at least ten minutes) then you may perform a Hard Shutdown by pressing and holding in the Power button on the computer for 5 seconds. This should shut down the computer. Let it sit for a 10-count then press and release the power button to start the computer again.

As a last-ditch effort, you could pull the power cord out of the computer – it should be noted that this could cause permanent damage to the machine, so it should only be done as a last resort.

If the problem persists, continue with the next steps.

2) Check all of the cables on the computer and the peripherals. Sometimes cables can get knocked loose from the computer, so you should make sure everything is plugged in and turned on. (Obviously, you will not be able to print if the printer is turned off.) If you are having Internet problems (the most common sort), then make sure that all of the cables are plugged in to the modem and / or router and that these devices are turned on and have the proper status lights lit.

3) Read The Fine Manual! If you are having trouble getting a particular program or device to work, there is quite probably some very useful information in the User’s Guide or the Help Files written into the program. Read the manual to make sure that you are doing it right to begin with. Better yet, there may be a troubleshooting guide that can help you before you call Tech Support.

4) If you still have not found a solution, you may need to call Tech Support. Before you do this, write down everything you can about the problem you are having, in the most technically descriptive manner you can. If an error message appears onscreen, write it down verbatim and in its entirety, including any number sequences that may be present. Your Tech Support agent will want this information.

You should also write down the sequence of steps that led to the problem appearing. If you are having trouble getting to a website, for instance, you should say that you “launched the web browser, but it was unable to display the website”, not “teh Internets are broken”.

Your Tech Support Agent will not know what you mean if you do not use standard terms. If you are not sure what the standard terms are, ask someone who is more computer-savvy than you are to help you describe the problem.

It will also be beneficial to write down the steps you have taken to try and fix the problem. The Agent will likely have you repeat these steps, but it shows them from the start that you have at least tried to fix it on your own – they will be more likely to go that “extra mile” to help someone who tries to help themselves first. Whiners get the worst treatment.

5) To ensure that you get the most help from Tech Support, remember this: you are dealing with someone who is trying to help you, and they may need some more help from you to solve the problem. If they ask a question, try to answer the best that you can. If they ask you to do something, follow their instructions to the letter in the exact order they are given – don’t jump ahead and don’t skip anything.

Above all else, remain as calm as you can. Yelling at them will get you transferred to the back of the call queue or just plain disconnected. Tech Support usually runs on a first-come, first-served basis, and they do not play favorites. Expecting special treatment for any reason (and telling them so) will earn you nothing but bad attitude. Ask nicely, say “thank you”, and don’t make any unfounded accusations.

These simple steps will not only help you solve the problem, they may earn you the respect of the tech support team if you end up having to call them, and they may not hate you for being an idiot like all of their other callers. Good luck.

Corner of NE 28th & Sandy

Tolerant and I drive by this place about 3 times a month, and we finally managed to stop in and check them out Friday night. Located on the corner of 28th and Sandy, they’re pretty easy to get to by both car and bus. Parking is on the street, but there was easy room right in front.

It wasn’t very crowded at the bar, and the dining area was empty which made us wonder a little. Décor is fairly simple, with a collection of tap handles on one wall and various coasters stapled to the overhang above the bar. The seating area is raised higher than the rest of the room, with the bar proper and the games area sitting a couple steps lower so those seated at the tables have a view of the entire bar.

Atmosphere: As we walked in, I was starting to wonder if I was going to be able to smoke. For a smoking-ok bar, Katie’s is extremely clean. The ceiling is a dark green color instead of the usual nicotine-brown, and there wasn’t the usual telltale cloud hovering over the bar proper. The tall ceilings definitely helped in this regard.

The music being played was a bit on the loud side, which hindered conversation and had me saying “What?” a little too often. It was also a little too eclectic, and couldn’t find a genre. Some would say this is good, but in the 45 minutes or so that we were there I got annoyed by rap and hip-hop at least 4 times – which shouldn’t happen in an Irish pub.

Drinks: I was driving, so a simple soda was on my menu but Tolerant opted for a rum & coke. The rum was better than your typical well, and the bartender found the sweet spot in the proportions both times.

Food: Tolerant had had fish & chips the night before, so I got that this time. The batter was good, and held up well throughout the meal without getting soggy. Normally I order mine with extra tartar sauce because I am not overly fond of fish, but in this instance the small serving cup of sauce was enough – the fish didn’t need to be covered up. The chips were fries cooked in vegetable oil, but appeared house-cut and had a nice seasoning.

Tolerant ordered an “Irish” Dip sandwich – corned beef with a creamed horseradish sauce on a hoagie roll with au jus. The first bite put a great big smile on her face as she was trying to fan the spicy away, so I’ll take that as a positive vote.

Service: The only employee evident was the bartender, but she still managed to take care of us pretty well. Our orders were taken, delivered and taken away in an orderly fashion and we weren’t pestered or left looking around for absent staff.

The Verdict: Good food at a reasonable price in portions that were too large for either one of us to finish. Service and atmosphere combined into a pleasant experience, and we will probably try them again on another night to see if they can pick a more even music flow.

We liked it, and give Katie O’Brien’s Pub a solid “B”.