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Archive for the 'Humor' Category

Devils Panties

Posted in Humor on January 19th, 2006

Content? When I can linky?
Devils Panties. What to do with squirrels.

Fashion tips from the Wolfeman

Posted in Humor on January 4th, 2006

In a mad rush to get a bus pass for the Ratboy and get back on the road to pick up the Pookinator, I swung into the local Safeway, and came to a grinding halt as the customer service line was 10 deep. Here’s a little do’s-and-don’ts of fashion from me:

Do: Purple hair, lip piercings, tattered denim jacket over equally tattered tank-top / t-shirt combo. Mostly intact stripey leggings and Doc Martens. Rock on, punky girl!

Don’t: Shapeless jacket over shapeless t-shirt covering up shapeless beer gut. Baggy pants bunched up on the thighs due to the kneepads, bright red leather mules. Dude, get an f’ing grip, willya? The last time you saw a lady’s pink bits in person, they were your mom’s on your birthday.

Do:Sneaks, jeans, solid-color t-shirt, nice jacket. So far, so good…
Don’t:…but get that damn pocket comb out of your f’ing afro, girl!

This is a fashion statement I have never been able to translate. What are you saying? “I started combing my hair, but got bored and just left the comb there in case I find inspiration to start over.” Do you have any idea how idiotic that looks? And it’s bad enough when guys do it – you should know better!

Do: Black leather tennies, black Levi’s, logo polo shirt, nice black leather jacket…hey wait, that was me! :)

You know you spend too much time gaming when…

Posted in Geekery, Humor on November 15th, 2005

We have a dual monitor setup on our shop gaming rig, so people outside can see what cool things it can do. I go out for an after-lunch smoke, and wander over to see what mayhem KG is unleashing, only to see him going through his wardrobe in Matrix Online. I finally lean back in and yell at him.

ME- “Dude! Quit playing Pretty-Princess-Dress-Up and go splatter something already!” (KG is cross-dressing currently and playing a female character.)
KG- “I can’t!” He says, “I’ve got to go to an in-game wedding.”
ME- “You’re shitting me.”
KG- “No, my faction leader is getting hitched in twenty minutes.”
ME- “In-game.”
KG- “Yeah.”
ME- Blink. Blink. Blink.
KG- “I just hope the Bride doesn’t try to make me her Maid Of Honor.”

Pastor of Muppets

Posted in Humor on November 12th, 2005

Frizzen Sparks is out to make me spew tea out my nose. Go. Read. Now.

Pastor of Muppets, of stuffed talking things
All of Henson’s spawn now kiss my ring
Baptized by me in a stage prop hot spring
With Statler and Waldorf heckling
(Statler: “You call that a sermon?? What is this,
vacation bible school?!?”)

With Statler and Waldorf’s damned heckling
(Waldorf: “I’ve been more inspired by things
I’ve found in my navel! That’s it, I’m converting to Islam!”)

What’s that buzzing noise?

Posted in Geekery, Humor on November 2nd, 2005

Girls: fancy an SMS-fired Bluetooth vibrator? | The Register

Our female readers are invited to imagine the folllowing scenario: It’s Monday, you’re at work, you’re bored, you’re thinking “how could I possibly spice up this trawl of the 2,000 weekend emails in my inbox?” when it occurs to you that if someone were to invent an SMS-triggered Bluetooth vibrator then your partner could bring you to an earth-shattering climax simply by texting a few sweet words of lurv, leaving you totally satisfied as a woman and fit to face the most daunting online task…

The Toy is worn internally, linked to a mobile phone and controlled by sms text messages sent to the phone. Once read, the message is transported automatically to The Toy, which turns it into vibrations – with a huge range of movements, depending on what you have written.

That’s right folks, a vibe triggered by a text message. Puts that ‘unlimited’ messaging plan in a new light, doesn’t it?

She’s mine all right

Posted in Humor on October 10th, 2005

The boys and I were playing Mechwarrior tonight, and the Pookster was feeling a little left out. Being the nice guy he is, the Physicist let her take the stick for a minute. She wandered around the map for a minute or so, until someone got the range on her and started shooting. What does she say?

“Oh, you want some of this?!? Take that!” and holds down the trigger.

…and thus, a Gamer is born. I get the feeling that a video card upgrade is going to be on her Xmas wishlist.

Go Potty First…….No, I mean it, Potty First, Then Read (Ball And Chain)

Posted in Humor on September 29th, 2005

Go Potty First…….No, I mean it, Potty First, Then Read (Ball And Chain)


But it’s such a lovely bandwagon

Posted in Humor on September 19th, 2005

Go on, read this and join the Pastafarians! You know you want to! Here’s an excerpt:

Let us remember that there are multiple theories of Intelligent Design. I and many others around the world are of the strong belief that the universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. It was He who created all that we see and all that we feel. We feel strongly that the overwhelming scientific evidence pointing towards evolutionary processes is nothing but a coincidence, put in place by Him.


Here’s the Wikipedia article on Flying Spaghetti Monsterism.

Don’t forget the breadsticks :P

Devil’s Panties – Sunday, February 3, 2002

Posted in Humor on September 8th, 2005

Devil’s Panties – Sunday, February 3, 2002

‘Nuff said.


Posted in Geekery, Humor, Life on July 26th, 2005

Let’s see here…

An intermittently bogged-down network at a business client’s has been giving me fits for almost two weeks now. The problem would show up for a few hours, and then go away. Similarly, if we re-booted the router, it would go away. Replacing the router, however, did not fix it. We couldn’t isolate the problem down to any one device – everything checked clean through the diagnostics, we were just getting hammered.

So, we put the original router back in. And it uhm…just works fine now? What the fuck? I put 15 hours into troubleshooting this goddamn thing and it just goes away?!? Argh!!

Near as I can figure, the most likely cause is a hacker. With no commonality of occurance on the inside (I.E., different computers on / off, different days of week / times of day / duration…) there has to be something on the outside.

Looks like it’s time for an intrusion detection system.

How do you know when you can trust your teenager? When he still asks if he can go to a party, despite being 17, having a cell phone and knowing I will be out most of the night on a date. Of course, he still bitches when I ask all the “who what where when how many adults?” questions, but at least he asked :)

It is hard to be a morally honest and true employee sometimes – especially when you don’t think you are being paid enough. In my line of work, people often ask you to take care of things for them, and I get hung up on the idea of doing the work for myself or bringing them in as a customer to the shop.

If I bring them in as a customer, it will increase the revenues for the shop, thus allowing my boss to give out raises.

If I do it myself, I get all the money now.

The real hesitation for me comes from the fact that ever since he hired me, the boss has been going on about how our managed services contracts will eventually float the business and get all of us raises. It has been 7 months now, and we have only sold 4 contracts of the 130 we need to get me what I’m worth. On top of that, when work gets slow, he implements mandated un-paid days off.

OK, this has only happened to me once, but it’s his first response anytime we get slow. It’s a stick I’m tired of being beat with.

I think this customer is mine.