Diary of a Wolfeman

In a mad rush to get a bus pass for the Ratboy and get back on the road to pick up the Pookinator, I swung into the local Safeway, and came to a grinding halt as the customer service line was 10 deep. Here’s a little do’s-and-don’ts of fashion from me:

Do: Purple hair, lip piercings, tattered denim jacket over equally tattered tank-top / t-shirt combo. Mostly intact stripey leggings and Doc Martens. Rock on, punky girl!

Don’t: Shapeless jacket over shapeless t-shirt covering up shapeless beer gut. Baggy pants bunched up on the thighs due to the kneepads, bright red leather mules. Dude, get an f’ing grip, willya? The last time you saw a lady’s pink bits in person, they were your mom’s on your birthday.

Do:Sneaks, jeans, solid-color t-shirt, nice jacket. So far, so good…
Don’t:…but get that damn pocket comb out of your f’ing afro, girl!

This is a fashion statement I have never been able to translate. What are you saying? “I started combing my hair, but got bored and just left the comb there in case I find inspiration to start over.” Do you have any idea how idiotic that looks? And it’s bad enough when guys do it – you should know better!

Do: Black leather tennies, black Levi’s, logo polo shirt, nice black leather jacket…hey wait, that was me! :)

In what appears to be a typical misunderstanding of the correct way to apply money to programs, there will be no New Year’s Eve celebration in Pioneer Squeare tonight for the first time in many years. Why? The city couldn’t decide how they were going to pay for it. Now, of course, it’s too late.

So, what do we have this year to celebrate with? A three-mile charity run.

Okay, I’m all for charity, but…Whee.