Diary of a Wolfeman

Having watched too much TV lately, I’ve seen far too many Microsoft commercials. Here’s some commercials I’d like to produce myself and see on TV as a response.

Pan in on a nice suburban neighborhood, where all the houses save one are identical, with windowframes that bear a striking resemblance to a certain software company’s logo. On the porch of one home is a small package, with no return adress. A grandma-type person opens the package as she turns back into the house and shuts the door.

A moment later, hundreds of ravenous little creatures with snot dripping out of their noses jump out through the mailslot and go charging down the street, jumping in through all the other mailslots. Within seconds, every house in view has green slime oozing out through those windows, fouling the yards. Pan down a few houses to the one with a lawn-gnome-sized penguin on the porch – the little green snot-beastie falls unconscious after bashing his head on the mailslot. This house is still pristine.
——————————————-
Variation: same street, only at night. A comical burglar is quickly going from house to house and making off with credit cards and other obviously important stuff. He gets in through open doors and windows or possibly by typing quickly on a keyboard to open up a ‘security hole’ in the side of the house.

When he gets to the house with a penguin on the porch, lights come on to full daylight bright, steel shutters slam down over the doors and windows, and sirens start screaming. The terrified thief runs away. The penguin looks smug.
——————————————-
Car-themed spot. We start out driving an older car – it’s big and has a ‘W98’ on the dash, and is barely lumbering on. Camera swoops out the window into the car next to it – basically the same, but it’s moving a little better and has ‘W98SE’ on the dash. Swoop into the next car – still big, with ‘W2000’ emblem. Car jumps and slows, then all the dash lights go bright blue and it stalls. Swoop to next car, ‘WXP’ emblem – seems to be okay, until it too ‘blues out’ and stalls. Driver sighs and cycles the ignition switch. Car starts again, goes down the road, then stalls. Driver slumps over wheel while cycling ignition.

Swoop out the window into another car. This one is more sleek, and has a very pleasing engine rumble. We just drive down the road, passing a number of other cars showing symtoms similar to the others. On the dash is a penguin with ‘K 2.6X’. Driver seems very happy.