Diary of a Wolfeman

and it speaks binary.

Revelation for the day: it is quite possible that the next person that reads your resume will actually be an OCR scanner searching for corporate buzzwords. In a presentation from a former HR hiring director today, we were told that larger companies have resorted to page scanners to enable them to sift through the hundreds of resumes they receive from on-line aplications and email submittals. So, most resumes that they get are weeded out before ever being looked at by a human.

On top of that, those that are seen by a human are often sorted in a stack, so that only the top third or so of a page is visible, and that page has about 3 to 5 seconds to catch their eye before it gets tossed.

When I was instructed in the art of resume writing the first time around, I was told that it should be basically a good quality picture of your work history, and a longer resume equated to a studio portrait rather than a snapshot. When I started looking this time around, I shrank it a bit to make it more of a picture post card. Now I find out they want more of a thumbnail, and like a personals photo, it had better have tits to make any sort of impression.

To continue that analogy, put all your skills right at the top to get that wonder-bra lift, and using the most current corporate buzzwords turns that turtleneck into a little deep-v-neck number. That thick sweater of bullet points in your job descriptions is now crammed together into a belly shirt to show off that cute navel piercing, with maybe just a hint of a thong coming up over your low-rise jeans to suck them in.

Always make ’em ask for your digits though: References available by request.